And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
