I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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