What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
