eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
