Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
