I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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