youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
