literally had 100 drinks last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
