i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
