It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
