I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
