why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
