Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
