I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
