I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dignity is for republicans.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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