I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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