I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
