Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize