I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
