Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
