I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize