i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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