I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
