It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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