My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
