You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
