Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
