I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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