OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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