i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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