I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
