i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
