Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
