yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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