i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
