DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
