If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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