You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
