I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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