So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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