So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize