i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
