Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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