dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she looked like the before picture.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
