Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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