spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
