And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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