we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
