i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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