He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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