I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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