Non-Jews are for practice
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
