Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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