if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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