Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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