Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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