I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
