The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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