You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
