i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
