he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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