i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize