so explain again why im purple
no
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
