I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
