why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
