She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just had sex on a roof
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
