Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
