When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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