worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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