You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
