just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
