You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
