Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
