I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i believe in u and ur pee
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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