Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
