Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize