my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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