bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
